The duration myth
Most people believe a catch-up needs to be a "proper" catch-up — an hour minimum, ideally a meal. This belief is the reason most catch-ups don't happen. When you don't have an hour, you don't schedule anything. The friendship drifts.
The research on relational maintenance is clear: regularity beats duration. A 15-minute walk every fortnight maintains a friendship better than a three-hour dinner twice a year.
Why 15 minutes works
- It fits in real life. Everyone has 15 minutes. Almost nobody has a free evening.
- It's low-pressure. You can't cancel a 15-minute walk without feeling silly.
- It's recurring-friendly. A weekly 15-minute slot is easy to protect. A weekly 90-minute slot is not.
- It keeps the friendship "active." The recency of the last contact matters more than the depth of it.
How to do it
- Pick one friend. Find a 15-minute slot that recurs weekly — a morning walk, a lunchtime call, a coffee break.
- Share your findatime link with that slot marked. Let them tap "keen."
- When you're both keen, the 15 minutes happens. No negotiation, no rescheduling.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is 15 minutes really enough?
For maintenance, yes. You're not trying to have a deep conversation — you're trying to keep the thread alive. Depth comes from the accumulation of short contacts, not from rare long ones.
What if we want to talk for longer?
Then stay longer. The 15 minutes is a floor, not a ceiling. But the plan is 15 minutes — so if one of you only has 15, the plan still works.
How many 15-minute catch-ups can I realistically do?
Two or three a week is sustainable for most people. That's 30–45 minutes of social maintenance — less than one dinner — and it keeps three friendships alive.